Chapter Text
The party starts out just like any poorly planned corporate event – a table of cold food, high-ranking staff standing ominously in the corner, and a pathetic amount of decor.
It gets worse from there.
There’s a large sign at the front of the underground hall that says Congratulations Swan in messy kanji, written on someone’s old crinkled sealing scroll, with the faint glow of chakra making the paper stick to the cement wall. There aren’t any windows, and ventilation is wish-wash this far underground with this many people, so the entire room smells of egg mayo sandwiches that have been sitting out for too long. So, all in all, newly fourteen year old Akabane Kagura wishes she were anywhere else except for her promotion to Commander Sexy.
Which is, of course, the nickname the funny military types give to whoever’s in charge of the ANBU Seduction Unit. Little do most of the people in the room know that they’d probably try to neuter themselves out of shame if they found out her actual age.
“Man, this party sucks ass,” Oyster says, holding his third plate of egg mayo sandwiches and sardine tarts. “Wanna dip?”
Dog, hovering behind them, makes a strained noise. “There’s a speech. We can’t leave yet.”
Indeed, there’s supposed to be a speech from the General soon. And these sorts of parties don’t happen often, because commanders tend to stick to being commander – they’re promoted because they’re the best of the best in their unit, unlikely to perish on-duty. So it’s all the more special occasion to have this event, with food and drinks and ANBU agents mingling about. Or, more of a miracle that so many high-calibre and politically important ninjas agreed to be stuck in a confined space for such a long time.
“You heard the captain,” Kagura says goodnaturedly.
She kind of wants to die inside, but there are kudos given to the organisers for effort. The crazy types in the ANBU force are definitely the kind of people who enjoy these weird ass parties. Seriously – who thought sardine tarts were a good idea? And why are they so popular?
By the refreshments, Cat is hanging out with Dragon and Gecko. She hadn’t been aware that Cat was capable of having friends that didn’t bully him horrendously. He gives off such strong victim energy.
“My old teammates are over there – I think I’ll say hello,” Kagura says, mostly to Dog because he’s the only friendless bitch here. Oyster is most definitely an Uchiha, so he’s got other clan members to bother at the function. Dog is… a lone wolf. She thinks it’s due to his god awful personality (in another life, Hatake would be the kind of person to blast Evanescence at six in the morning for a daily cry), but it might also have something to do with the political stigma attached to his name.
Oh well. Not her problem.
Kagura wanders off to greet Leopard and Rooster, and Oyster finds Worm in the middling crowd. She’s had suspicions for a while now, but she’s almost positive that Worm was the Sharingan user in the restaurant during the Grass mission – a very shady, quiet Uchiha lady with possible screws loose. No wonder Oyster cosies up to her so quickly.
“Swan,” Leopard says, holding up a hand. “This party is… truly something. Congrats, though.”
Rooster waves awkwardly.
“Don’t be shy, you can say the quiet part out loud,” she says, returning his high-five. “The entire room smells of mayonnaise. The only reason why nobody’s left yet is because of the speech.”
Leopard’s shoulders slump down. “... the speech.”
There’s a certain bitterness in his words that she doesn’t want to poke at. But she understands. It’s highly unusual for the General to be late like this, especially for an important event. Everyone’s starting to get antsy down here in the bomb shelter levels, and too socially awkward to make up an excuse to leave early. If this were anyone else’s party, Kagura could’ve made up some lie by now to weasel her way out of it, but alas, this is the one time that she can’t escape.
Of the two hundred members of the Konohagakure ANBU, only about a fourth made it to the function. Half of the people here are agents that Kagura knows, and the other half are the curious crowd wondering who the hell’s the newest unit commander.
The hierarchy goes: General Bear, in charge of the entire ANBU military, who reports directly to the Hokage. And then under him are the five unit commanders, for Stealth, Tracking, Assassination, Bodyguarding, and Seduction. The acronym is STABS, which Kagura finds hilarious. And in each unit, there are several different subspecialties, unrelated (or related) to the unit. Commander Boar of Assassination is supposedly a master trapmaker. Most agents in Bodyguarding have to learn the basics of healing. Such and such. And there’s a lot of layover with the village’s T&I – Tactics and Intelligence, but infamously nicknamed asTorture and Interrogation to make it sound cooler – military branch. The General and the current head of T&I are powerful decision makers in Konoha politics, and men not to be messed with.
Kagura is doing her best to resist the urge to flip the bird, however, when the General finally saunters in, twenty minutes late.
The tall, impressive man squares up at the podium. No one knows his identity. There are rumours that he’s been in the village since the Shodaime’s era, and is blessed with strength from the gods to continue being a pillar of support for the country. Nobody knows how old Bear is, but he’s certainly older than everyone here, because no one remembers a time that he wasn’t the General. She tries to imagine what he might look like. Salt and pepper hair? Scruffy goatee? A traditional samurai look? Bear is Bear; he can’t be any random schmuck on the street. He probably doesn’t even have a face. Maybe the porcelain bear drawing is his face, and the entire ANBU uniform was based around it. And his village ranking – what is it? Has he been cosplaying as a career genin this entire time, throwing off his scent? Or is he a highly celebrated jounin in the forces? Nobody’s ever really seen him fight, either, because he mainly deals with mission tactics and training camps.
Everyone holds their breath to hear the speech.
“Congratulations, Swan,” The General says, and then leaves.
The afterparty is better.
The whor* and the Kunai makes a valiant return to Kagura’s life, a whole three years later. Leopard and Rooster, the only adults here who know Kagura’s age, don’t even try to kick her out or warn her about raucous adult activities, so fourteen must be old enough by their standards to enter a bar and get wasted via belly button shots. Or maybe they’ve given up on treating her like a child now that she outranks them. And her other legal supervisor, Dog, doesn’t even show up, so hell if he cares.
Cat, Dragon, Gecko, and Lynx are sitting in a booth in the back with pretty co*cktails and Kagura wants to join them. Dragon is Kurenai, and Gecko greatly resembles Hayate, so she’s assuming that’s the teenager table, because Cat is a vaguely muddy age of fourteen or so and Lynx is giving off noughties Hilary Duff.
But she’s prevented from peer socialisation by an unfortunate Uchiha.
“Yo, birdie,” Oyster calls out, and deftly swings around to get right in her face. “Congrats, Big S. You’re amazing! This is great! I love you, Commander Sexy.”
Kagura tilts her head down at the sloshing glass in his hand. “Someone’s having a good time.”
He’s a little shorter than her, but she thinks they’re also around the same age. Team Ro is a highly skilled, but young, team (judging by how immature the group conversations are). They’ve all got their reasons to be a part of the squad, and Oyster’s is the most mysterious by far. He’s a combat specialist like Dog and Cat, but he’s also more than that, relying more on subterfuge and genjutsu than any front-line fighter she’s seen. Someone of that slender, pretty boy body type shouldn’t be a heavy hitter, yet here he is.
Similar questions can be asked of her, though. She’ll be in Team Ro for another year to gain more experience to her title, but it’s still an odd situation that now someone like her is in a typical assassination squad.
“Not really,” Oyster says, and bobs his head. “Worm’s being weird, as usual. She likes to bother me. It’s kinda like how I mess with Cat. Anyway! I hope you don’t end up weird like Commander Fox – that guy gives me the creeps, eugh. Bad juju, bad vibes. Or Commander Slug, ‘cuz he’s a f*cking c*nt.”
“I’ll still be me, Oyster,” she says, and reaches out to steady him before he falls on her.
She tries to remember who those commanders are. Fox is in charge of Stealth, and Slug is Bodyguarding. She’s never encountered them before and they didn’t show up to either party, so she can’t say she can form an opinion of them yet… but there’s something about Oyster’s words that’s causing bells to ring in her head. A drunken, hazy character warning. He wouldn’t be deceitful, not like this. There’s too much alcohol radiating off him for him to be able to deliberately form up complicated falsehoods.
The bar is loud and sweaty. The air feels yellow. Oyster wobbles again with a signature maniac giggle, and teeters into Kagura, who grabs his shoulders and sighs.
“I know you know my clan name,” Oyster whispers. Kagura shows no tells of surprise, and keeps him rocking in her collar like the drunken bastard he’s emulating. There are quite a few oddball drunks doing the same to their teammates here. “Uchiha. You can call me by my name, y’know. Shisui.”
Kagura lets go of one shoulder to pat his back. “You’re gonna have to deal with the sh*ttiest hangover ever during training tomorrow.”
But it’s just busy distractions, to get him to trust her more. He’s trying to get somewhere with this.
“Worm doesn’t like Commander Fox either. He’s not the kinda guy you want to be left alone with. I hope you avoid him, so you don’t become like him,” Oyster, or Shisui, continues, basically whispering into her chest, the world far away, ears ringing. “I’m not that drunk. There’s – there’s patterns. Worm knows. Cat was in Stealth.”
That’s why I don’t like him, goes unsaid.
Except Cat is the opposite of whatever is being described of Fox. Or, is he? Maybe?
Kagura gently shakes Oyster off and familiarly pats the dust off his head, shoulders, and arms. “Oh, come on Oyster, stop ogling my chest. What do you expect to see with the breast plate, you twerp.”
And she gives another look at his drink and heads back to the teens table.
When she sits down next to Gecko, Oyster is with Worm and a few other ANBU agents with full head coverings on the other side of the bar, which is quickly becoming more and more of an unhinged no man’s land with every drink. Getting a bunch of insane super-powered individuals in one space and providing copious alcohol and salty peanuts is a recipe for disaster – the charred and pockmarked walls didn’t come from nowhere.
She spends a socially acceptable amount of time with her friends, leading the conversations naturally and sneaking quick sips with a straw under the ANBU mask. The orange blossom and pomegranate lemonade is one of the best things she’s ever tasted, but it’s hard to enjoy it with the Uchiha warnings taking over her entire consciousness. Worm. A highly intelligent Seduction agent, mainly working with information off the field. An Uchiha. Two Uchihas, actually. That’s basically the entire clan. And the clan is trying to tell her something. The fact that Shisui would trust her with a character warning for someone so high-rank is touching yet concerning, because she didn’t know he liked her that much, nevermind trust her.
Damn. Kagura must be making hella impressions with the right people.
Now it’s up to her to decipher the code, and get to the bottom of this mystery that Oyster himself doesn’t seem to fully realise.
Another day, another horror, she thinks miserably, and socialises the rest of the night away.
